Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so much tequila, so little girl.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
