Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
