Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
