Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
