Too much gin, very little bucket
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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