I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
this will be a night to untag.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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