I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
