I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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