You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
