I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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