this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
