we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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