There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize