pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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