Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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