I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
