She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
