I wish I only lived at night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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