Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
