So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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