They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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