____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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