So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
