You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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