I wish life had little blips of pornography
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
