great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
