I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So squirting runs in the family.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
