why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
