my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
