I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
