Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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