You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
