I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
