Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
