at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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