Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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