just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
