I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
