first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
