You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
