So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
