I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
