i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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