it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
