There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
