Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
