non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
