I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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