Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
