Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize