when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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