Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
