Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
