My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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