My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
