On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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