Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
