I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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