You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
