fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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