hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
