Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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