she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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