Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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