If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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