Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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