Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
