Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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