Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
