then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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