i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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