your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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