Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
