nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
