mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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