Barsexuality is the new black.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
