i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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