my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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