It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
