I'm gonna have a badass scar
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
