what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize