i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
