Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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