I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
