I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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